Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
