yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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