She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
