If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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