You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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