I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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