You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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