I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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