At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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