I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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