We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
God, I missed his penis.
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