You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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