is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
