I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
