I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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