There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I will be naked everywhere
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
