I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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