im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
is it fun? or sober?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
