so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
