There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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