I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So drunk its hurt
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
