well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
