I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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