I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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