What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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