The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
