I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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