Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
