Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
