everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
