There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my shit smells like andre
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
