Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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