Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
