she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
