Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
