how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
