Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
