So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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