Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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