remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
