Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
