His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
