? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
