well I can't set my house on fire every night
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Help. Why am I so naked?
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