Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its liver damage thursday
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
