I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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