Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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