i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
