Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
