Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
