with your own penis?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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