I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
