i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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