if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
