his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
