using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
