I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
