Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
