I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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