the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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