pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
