it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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