So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
