he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
