I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize