I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
