So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
