I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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