Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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