gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
