She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
