So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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