Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She bit a glass in half.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
