4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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