HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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